I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize