Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
