I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
