She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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