Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
