Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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