I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
