There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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