what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
