thus making me awesome and them whores
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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