i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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