I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
