So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
