But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
