I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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