you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
