walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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