you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
