dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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