Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
