My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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