im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
