is your mom at the bar?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize