My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
