I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
