i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
