So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
