I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
