his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
