i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
