hell yes lets make some ravioli
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize