and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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