Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
