I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
