Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
