Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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