This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
