Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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