You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
