She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
