Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
