i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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