How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
