I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
