i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
