The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
