Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You're like the curious george of whores
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
