Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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