Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
