I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
