Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
