Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
