ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize