I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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