Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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