i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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