so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
