I smell stomach acid.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
