I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My life is pants optional.
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