You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
